Why not start all over again?

A non-fiction, most personal of personal posts. Fresh beginnings are always good, or at least fresh. And fresh is something. Fruit can be fresh as well as wounds. Let's take a chance and see what we get. So, just to recap. I'm a survivor of the most horrendous trauma and in spite of it all, … Continue reading Why not start all over again?

Full speed ahead and damn the torpedoes, here come the attack helicopters, ready or not

Hidden truths, secret compartments. Puzzles and riddles wrapped up in a veil of ambiguity and inscrutability.  No more mysteries, no more lies, no more barriers between worlds and discrete compartments and cells. This is my wish. My end. My holy grail. My dead name is dead. Dead and buried long ago. Along with the lame … Continue reading Full speed ahead and damn the torpedoes, here come the attack helicopters, ready or not

Happily espoused

I seldom speak of my partner. Partly out of respect for their anonymity and partly out of an impulse to a moderation I am often temped to indulge. I may see them as a goddess although they are not, and to place upon them that unrealistic expectation is grossly unfair. But the fact is their … Continue reading Happily espoused

Maybe Baby

Maybe I need a little more what the fuck are you looking at in my life. A little more rebellion, a little more resistance, open defiance. A little pride and maybe a little ego inflation too, but not wanton arrogance or careless ignorance. More a sense of insurrection engaged with, of disobedience embraced. Yeah, my … Continue reading Maybe Baby

Hearing Whispers

Fallen down a well. Dark waters rise above their eyes and then higher and higher still. Until, with a whisper and a sigh and a last wave goodbye at last they're gone again. Elsewhere and faraway never anything more nor less than a fleeting glimpse of a shadow of a chance and a ghost of … Continue reading Hearing Whispers

I am not a robot

I am not a robot, I am a living breathing human being. I dunno, I just thought it might be something to put some kind of image to all the names, all the words. Although it's probably just vanity, I'm so guarded and secretive by nature I thought it might be a good thing to … Continue reading I am not a robot

My Love Affair with Words

A non-fiction personal post. I’d love to claim that I’d always dreamed of being a writer but it wasn’t like that at all, I started writing mainly as a joke. Let me elaborate. I was working for a sculptor in a cool inner-city suburb, cool but absolutely not trendy. At least not at that stage, … Continue reading My Love Affair with Words

Tender Prey

A flash fiction. All she ever wanted was everything all at once, was it really so much to ask to have everything her covetous heart desired, all the pretty little things? All the gorgeous treats and all the lovely tender prey?  

Her Tower of Laments

A short fiction. Melancholy was she in her tower of laments, ever since she learned that the monsters rumored to lurk in the dark of night were quite real. And ever since she became as legion with them, spoiled forever via the touch of their corruption and the venom of their kiss. But she learned … Continue reading Her Tower of Laments

Dearly Departed

A short fiction. 'You've been nothing but a source of disappointment to me, ever since the day you were brought into the world.' Her father's voice rang scornfully in her ears. 'Yes, well. Perhaps a certain moderation of your expectations and a realignment of your conceptions with a more realistic view of reality might have … Continue reading Dearly Departed

Graveyard Community

A short fiction of sorts. Some monsters are not monstrous at all, merely subjects of lurid rumor and scandalous innuendo. Some monsters however are living breathing atrocities waiting to happen, lurking behind the veiled shadow of night, their minds alive with ghastly intent. The trick is to learn how to tell the difference, to learn … Continue reading Graveyard Community

Answering the Call

Her roots burrowing deep into the dark rich earth of the graveyard of mythology, the mass grave of legends long dead. Its soil fertilized with the blood of myths and fables forgotten, the very living stone the bones of the old world etched with the first words. And she, delving deep, seeking, searching for the seed of truth from which the tree of life grew.

Rescue Remedy

One day [s]he realized, truly realized its presence, although s[he]'d always been aware it. The chant, the mantra, the prayer, the plea. Repeating over and over in [he]r internal dialogue. Sometimes louder sometimes quieter. Sometimes emphatic and insistent. All too often suicidally sung. But it was always there. Pianissimo. Fortissimo. Please let it be over … Continue reading Rescue Remedy

XX Y O Y

Female hemale shemale humale junkmale. Unnatural selection versus perfect imperfection deselection. Darwinism versus creationism versus blah blah blahism. Guess what. Nobody's at the wheel. The conversation is vigorous. The conversation is heated. Why is there a conversation? Why is there a debate? There will be no winners, only losers. I am. We are. Bad luck. … Continue reading XX Y O Y

Wishes

S/he wished s/he could say s/he was a girl or a boy, s/he wished s/he could say s/he was gay or straight. S/he would even be happy to call he/rself gender-normative or binary, or even asexual or bi. Something that someone somewhere would recognize. As normal or abnormally normal. Or something. Or someone. But none … Continue reading Wishes

Make a Smiley Face

It certainly wasn't all bad, not all doom and gloom and woe is me. It was objectively actually kind of fascinating, a little like running a marathon. Finding out how far past the limits [s]he could go, finding out just how much pain s[he] could take. Horrors and nightmares harrowed [he]r mind, dread gripped [he]r … Continue reading Make a Smiley Face

Pick a Card

The maiden will bring you the prize of vigor and joy at the beginning, she will lend a haughty gleam to your eye and willful defiance to your heart. The mother will bring you the gift of vitality and creation, and the strength and courage to do all which must be done. The crone will … Continue reading Pick a Card

Hope Springs Eternal

Radiating from my heart and creeping through my flesh, infiltrating even unto the surface of my skin. From the tips of my toes to my scalp, there is pain. Every sound is as sharp and acute as a keen razor. The very clattering of my fingernails on the keys of this clamorous board are an … Continue reading Hope Springs Eternal

Secrets but not necessarily lies

They were never ever the person I thought they were, not in the beginning. My best guess wasn't even close, people are complex and ever evolving. But on the other hand, I was never ever the person they thought I was. They weren't even as close as not even close. You live, you love, you … Continue reading Secrets but not necessarily lies

Is spite the problem?

So, about climate change denial. Good grief, I can't believe this is a thing. But anyway. Squabble and quarrel and rail and fight and scream and shout all you like. See, humanity's my thing. My one and only. I ain't got much choice in the matter. None of the popular cliques want the likes o' … Continue reading Is spite the problem?

Trash or treasure

[S]he wondered, what have we got to work with here? What am I? Who am I? Then s[he] got all existentialist and full of [he]rself and wondered why am I? [S]he was kind of a wanker like that, but the question remained. Am I diamond in the rough? Maybe. Who can really say. [S]he was … Continue reading Trash or treasure

Puzzling evidence

I'm wondering. I realized I never use the word whore. And I don't tend to use the word slut either. Not that I took any conscious decision not to use these words. Nor have I formed any particular objection or aversion to them. I just never look at people and think, you're a whore. Or … Continue reading Puzzling evidence

Scrubber

S/he'd had quite a day. S/he'd laughed, S/he'd cried. S/he'd known the bliss of true love and the warmth of friendship. S/he'd broken bread in good company and been out on the town. S/he'd had a wonderful time. S/he'd also knelt in a scalding hot shower with tears streaming down he/r face. Wishing s/he could … Continue reading Scrubber

A fond lament

I miss my sex life so much. I miss my libido too. Unfortunately it's all been in a holding pattern for quite a long while. I miss paddles and manacles. I miss leather and bright shiny stainless steel. I miss the cheerful rosy glow of a freshly spanked bottom. I miss vibrators and deep, powerful, … Continue reading A fond lament

Why the hell can’t I leave this alone

What is it? Morbid self obsession? Ego? I find myself online once again searching for...something. What? What am I looking for. Identification? Identity? Validation? Value? Worth? Why? I already have that. I am me. I know what I am and what I look like. I'm an involuntary gender/sex/sexuality non-uniform person and I look like a cheap … Continue reading Why the hell can’t I leave this alone