So a friend posted the other night about a very special thing they had discovered about their body. A newly discovered sensitivity which brought them to that very happy place we all love to go. *wink*
And it recalled me to my younger days when my sexuality was so very sensitive. When I was so full of love and passion that I could get there, to that special place simply via a kiss. No touchy feely at all, just tongues and lips and finger tips touching in just the right way.
And then I got to thinking, maybe I could tell you about the very first time I made love. Would you like that?
Okay. Here goes.
Her name was Nicole and she was very special to me. I was so in love it was ridiculous. I was in love with her ginger hair, her freckles, her bright green eyes her smile. The way she laughed, the sound of her voice, the way she moved. Her happiness, her liveliness. She was just so very beautiful and smart.
I was head over heels without a doubt.
And she was so very kind and loving to me. She was a wonderful friend. Her parents were lovely people too. They knew the kind of problems I was having at home, though not the whole of it. Not the worst.
I lived near Nicki’s house so when things got super bad they would take me in and let me stay sometimes. They’d feed me and make up a bed for me on their sofa and I would be safe and sound for a while. It was nice. I’ll never ever forget that wonderful family’s kindness.
But I kept my special feelings for Nicki to myself, assuming that she wouldn’t react well to my queerness. And in truth I was far from understanding it myself. This was in the days before the internet and when people talked about queerness it was usually hate talk. So I kept my secrets to myself. That’s just how it was back then. Where I grew up it was still open season on queer people.
But anyway, I started to notice that Nicole would get a little flirty from time to time. I could see that she was nervous about it, maybe a little scared of what I truly hoped and wished she was feeling. So I didn’t push or try to force the issue. I just let her work things out for herself.
I didn’t want to ruin our friendship by crossing the line. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing her. And besides, there were very few safe places I could go when things were bad at home. It was Nicki’s parents house or the streets. I had to be practical too.
And we just cruised along for a while, Nicki sailing a little close to the line from time to time. Getting flirty and playful but still a little timid too. And me not wanting to force the issue and hurt her or damage our friendship.
And then, one day something wonderful happened between me and Nicki. We’d cut class together just to spend some time. We were sitting side by side in the sunshine, talking on this and that. When Nicki fell to silence. Which was odd for her, because hell. That girl could talk underwater with a mouthful of marbles.
My wonderful happy chatterbox Nicki.
I got the feeling something was on her mind, like maybe something was troubling her. Or maybe not troubling her exactly, but I could definitely feel tension. And then I noticed her hand moving closer to mine. Until she touched me and put her hand on my hand.
Without a word but most definitely with a lot of feeling and deliberate intent.
Now my heart was racing like nobody’s business right out of the gate. I was so nervous and filled with hope and fond wishes it was ridiculous. And as soon as her fingers touched my hand, butterflies commenced to fluttering wildly in my belly and my chest.
And I got so excited, oh my goodness. The thrill of it was electric.
And then Nicki spoke.
‘B….are you….you know…?’
To which I eventually took the plunge and answered truthfully, understanding exactly what Nicole was asking.
‘You like me….don’t you…?’ Nicki eventually continued.
‘Of course I like you, we’re friends aren’t we?’ I chickened out.
‘That’s not what I mean….and you know it. Don’t you?’
‘So…?’ Nicki prompted.
‘Nicole, I don’t want to spoil our friendship….I don’t want to ruin things and lose you….I can’t….’
‘B….it’s okay. Just tell me how you feel about me….can you do that?’ Nicki encouraged me with a squeeze of my hand.
And although my hear was pounding fit to jump straight out of my chest. And my hands were sweaty and trembly I answered true.
‘I’m in love with you.’
And with the truth out in the open I began babbling and trying to cover up. Desperate not to lose Nicki with my confession. But she prompted me to silence with a more than friendly lingering kiss on the cheek.
And what followed was so very magical, sometimes I wonder if I didn’t just imagine the whole thing. But it’ true. It was real. It actually happened. And it was one of the most wonderful experiences of my entire life.
Nicki stood up and brushed the grass off her uniform skirt and tights, then held her hand out for me to take. Helping me to my feet and throwing her arms around me as soon as I was upright and holding me so very tight.
‘Come on’ Nicole eventually said as she released me again, taking my hand once more and leading me away somewhere.
‘Where are we going?’ I uttered nervously.
‘Just….come on.’ Was all Nicki would say.
And she led me across the football field and over to the school auditorium. Led me through the doors and up the steps past all the rows of seats. She took out a key and unlocked the door to the projector room and let us in, locking the door again behind her.
She then knelt down on the floor and patted the carpeted floor in front of her and said quietly.
‘Come on….it’s okay. We’re safe here. No one will see us….’
And I wordlessly obeyed and knelt before Nicole. My heart swelling fit to burst. And as soon as I was settled Nicki moved closer, parting my knees with her hands so she could get as close as she meant to. The feel of her hands on my legs, having their way more delicious than I can do justice to with words.
And then she kissed me. Oh my goodness how she kissed me. Like I had never, ever been kissed before.
And I kissed back, my soul soaring free as my fondest dreams came true. Nicki was kissing me. She liked me. She wanted me.
Of course I’d thought about this before, quite often in fact. I used to lay in bed at night and masturbate thinking about Nicole. Imagining her lips on mine, her tongue in my mouth. Wanting me. Taking me. Her hands on my body. I used to make myself cum thinking about Nicki making love to me.
But this was wonderful beyond anything I had ever conjured in my mind. This was no naughty nighttime fantasy enacted furtively on Nicole’s parents sofa, this was real. Nicki was actually kissing me. And so we remained, kneeling before each other hand in hand, kissing like lovers.
And it was nervous and tentative at first, but it felt so right we soon got the hang of it. And I could feel that Nicole liked it, that she was into it. And by heaven’s that opened up the flood gates for me.
Our breathing grew hot and heavy, her breath was so sweet and her lips so heavenly. And then my tongue found hers and her tongue answered in kind. And our kiss lingered on and on growing ever more passionate and confident.
I could hear the sound of our voices breathing hoarse as we began to moan together a little. And the sound of that was like gorgeous music to my ears. To hear the evidence that Nicki liked me and wanted me.
How long we lingered in that kiss I have no idea. It seemed like a wonderful eternity and the briefest magical moment all at the same time.
What I did know was that I liked it. A lot. A real lot. And my body was responding in quite unexpectedly powerful ways. That kiss got me horny as a hellcat in heat and that’s a fact.
And my body was alive with the electricity of romantic exhilaration. My head was spinning and throbbing and my sex was aching and pulsing so deliciously. So blissfully.
Nicki hadn’t so much as laid a finger on me nor I on her, yet there I was excited fit to pop my top.
And I could hear my breath working ever more frantically and fervently as my body thrilled and ached so deliciously. My entire being swimming in bliss. Until I was so panting and breathless with pleasure that I could hardly kiss Nicki anymore.
But my hunger was so urgent and so earnest I could not bear to take my lips from hers. And I kissed her with such desperate passion, my hands gripping hers with such tight, white knuckled desperation.
And I could hear my frantic breath working and my desperate whimpers as Nicki moaned along with me. Until at last my body began to stress and strain, my skin so hot and clammy with perspiration like I had a fever.
And I began to tremble and tremor. My lips at last departing Nicki’s as I gasped and gulped frantically. Whimpering and crying as I came.
I came. Oh my goodness, I came so hard it shook me straight through to my bones.
And Nicole threw her arms around me and held me tight, as I clung to her and trembled and convulsed in my heavenly bliss.
And it was nothing like my fantasies. Nicole had barely laid a finger on me. Just kissed me and held my hands. She had reduced me to a stricken orgasmic mess with nothing but her kiss.
The whole episode left me panting and gasping in dumbstruck love lorn inarticulacy. Nicki holding me tight as my orgasm lingered on and on.
And that was as far as things ever went with me and Nicole.
We never became a thing. It was just that one encounter. But it wasn’t awkward or weird afterwards. It was wonderful. We had shared something special and had our very own magical secret to keep.
And not long after that my family moved far away to the city. And my parents tended to keep me very isolated to hide the abuse, so I never saw Nicole ever again. Of course computers weren’t a common thing at the time. And mobile phones and the worldwide web were still a few years off.
We exchanged letters a couple of times, but it was just so awful being parted from her that I just let it drop. Somehow it was just better or easier to hold her dear as a sweet memory, than a reality denied via the tyranny of distance and isolation.
But at a time of my life when all I knew of sex and love was brutality and violent assault, Nicki showed me just how magical and wonderful it could be.
I’ll never forget the gift she gave me. Fumbling and ridiculously adolescent as it was.
And that became my thing for a while, when I first began to grow into my sexuality. Kissy O’s with no touchy feely at all. No fucking. Although I came to appreciate lovemaking in all its wondrous forms of expression. The best O’s I ever had were prompted just by a kiss.
Tongues and lips and fingertips touching in just the right way, did it for me so very perfectly for a long time. But as I grew older and less sensitive that magic became too elusive and disappointingly absent to break my heart chasing anymore.
Of course I was younger and a good deal more sensitive back then, body’s change and so do libido’s. But hell. I miss those kissy O’s. They were THE best.
Funny how that whole erogenous sensitivity thing works.
But the funny thing about the whole affair, is that Nicki would have had to steal the key to the projection room. It didn’t occur to me until years later. But it wasn’t a spur of the moment thing, Nicole had it planned out.
She would have had to go to some trouble to get that key and it was her idea to cut class. And now, in hindsight. That makes the memory of it so much sweeter.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my special story. Thanks for reading.