By Harlotte Blackwood
A work in progress
Sophie Adler stood in a state of nervous excitement at her violin tutor Eleanor Krieger’s door. Too anxious and agitated to ring the bell just yet but too hopelessly in love to walk away.
And those were the only two choices Sophie felt she had anymore. Either she confessed to Mrs Krieger the bonfire of desire which burned so furiously within her. Throw herself at the glorious woman’s feet and take her chances with rejection. Or stop tormenting herself so cruelly and walk away forever.
Try somehow to excise Eleanor from her heart and mind and simply carry on with her life. Should such an impossible task as to forget the woman even be conceivably realistic. For Eleanor had seeped indelibly into her very soul. Infiltrated and taken possession of her heart completely. The unutterably bewitching woman was constantly and inextricably in her thoughts. Occupying her every waking moment and even inhabiting her dreams.
And when Sophie indulged and satisfied the erotic needs of her body, it was Eleanor and Eleanor alone who she saw. And how lingeringly and luxuriously did she dwell in her onanistic fantasies. Immersing herself in the thought of Mrs Krieger taking her and devouring her whole.
Possessing her very body with the same completeness with which she owned her heart. Sophie driving herself over and over into paroxysms of riotous orgasmic bliss. Knowing only Eleanors lips upon hers and the glorious woman’s hands upon her form. Her entire being ablaze with the fathomless yearning to dare to make her gorgeous fantasies become delicious reality.
But there was so much more at work in Sophie’s heart than simple infatuation and undeniable yearning. For alongside romance there dwelt also the most curious sense of terror. For as much as Sophie Adler adored and indeed so fervently desired Eleanor Krieger. She feared her in almost equal measure.
Sophie could never quite put her finger on the exact reasons why. Could never adequately define what it was about Eleanor she found so very frightening. That she would characterize it so vividly as supernatural in character. But there was something about Mrs Krieger which simultaneously terrified and exhilarated her. As though there was some aspect of her dispoition which was to be considered dangerous. As a serpent is to be considered so in spite of its sensual beauty.
Something impossibly compelling and excruciatingly desirable, but also something undeniably and unspeakably frightening. Something far beyond her exquisitely strict bearing and delicious severity of character. Something almost inhuman in nature and dare she think it. Blasphemously yet sumptuously unholy in aspect.
At first Sophie had dismissed her fears as an overreaction to the stern asperity of an exacting teacher. Given the rather lurid nature of her impressions. But in time, Sophie had come to realize that what she was experiencing was far more elusive and complex than that.
For to linger in Eleanor Krieger’s company was much akin to dwelling in the company of a wild and predatory entity. She was hauntingly beautiful and impossibly fascinating. But Sophie also felt as though there was something lurking beneath the surface. Something hidden from view something savage and untamed. Something ravenous.
But for as frightening as Eleanor was, Sophie found she simply could not stay away from the beguiling woman. And Sophie also discovered that her fears were just as compelling to her as her fascination.
And so Sophie dwelt for some considerable time, attempting valiantly to compose herself before ringing the bell. Her persistent fear and her unrelenting infatuation, fighting for primacy within the maelstrom of intense emotions, which boiled deep inside Sophie’s heart.
But try as she might to quiet her jangling nerves and still the racing of her heart. The tornado of anticipation and anxiety which buffeted her soul, was simply too far out of control to be stilled.
For Sophie was determined that today would be the day. Finally she would do what she had ached to do for so very long now. Finally her secret yearning would be acknowledged to herself and to Eleanor both. Today Sophie would declare her love for Eleanor Krieger at last. And whether the consequences were to prove dire or miraculous only time would tell.
But Sophie Adler was out of patience with time, if she were to win Eleanor Krieger’s heart it would take courage and determination. Her mind was made up, the moment had to be now or never at all. Either she declared her affection and desire for the woman. Or she walked away forever with her dreams abandoned and left unfulfilled.
And at last Sophie made her choice. She put down her violin case and backpack and stood distractedly, clenching and unclenching her fists in nervous agitation.
“You can do this Sophie….”
And finally Sophie took one last deep breath, straightened her skirt and sweater. Brushed her raven fringe from her eyes and secured it in place with a barrette. And then Sophie stepped courageously forwards, pressed the bell once then stepped back again to retrieve her instrument and bag.
And standing straight and proud, ignoring the pounding of her heart and the trembling of her hands. At last Sophie could hear the sound of Eleanor’s shoes on the hardwood floor before they were muted by the hallway rug. And finally the woman’s presence became apparent as a shadowy and distorted apparition through the thick stained glass of the grand entrance.
There was an excruciating moment of anxious pause, as Eleanor dwelt at the door for a moment or two longer than might be considered usual. Could Eleanor feel Sophie’s determined intent, could the woman sense her anticipation and anxiety?
Sophie had been sure for some time that Eleanor Krieger could experience the emotions and thoughts of others. Far more acutely than any other mere natural being. And Sophie was in fact convinced that Eleanor Krieger was indeed, far more than any mere natural being.
For Eleanor Krieger was so very far from ordinary, she was something else entirely. She was ‘other’. Someone or something unique and entirely without precedent in Sophie’s experience.
At last the door opened and at once, before Eleanor had the chance to speak. Sophie awkwardly set down her bag and instrument once again.
“Mrs Krieger.” Sophie announced brightly.
She boldly stepped to Eleanor Krieger until they were inches apart. She stood on the tips of her toes and placed her hands on Eleanor’s shoulders to steady herself. And then raised herself level with the woman, placed her lips upon Mrs Krieger’s and kissed.
And in that moment Sophie’s mind flooded with wild images of hopeful fantasy and romantic imaginings, and her heart swelled with the intensity of her love for the woman.
Her head spun with dreams of Ellie answering her deepest wishes, and indulging the passionate yearning of her heart. How she ached for Eleanor Krieger to gather her up in her arms, to lead her to the paradise of her bed and make love to her this very moment.
And in that instant as her lips met Eleanor’s, the pent up intensity of her adoration for the woman inundated her mind. Setting her heart racing and her entire being trembling with exhilaration.
She was doing it At last she was actually doing it. And what’s more, Eleanor was not recoiling from her kiss.
Sophie counted one, two, three then four in her mind. Then stepped back, straightened her spectacles and clothing, and retrieved her belongings once again.
Her heart beating furiously and her blood running hot as she awaited Eleanor’s reaction.