1. Chocolate used to be such a rare and expensive commodity, only for the richest of the rich. But now, in this age of privilege and in this place of freedom, I could stuff my face until my bottom and my belly swell. Gobble chocolate until it comes out of my ears and my buttons go pop, pop, pop.
  2. I don’t. But I could.
  3. Perhaps I shouldn’t write in the mornings. I don’t sleep very well, and I tend to wake up with a start and fall immediately into exhaustion and despair.
  4. It can take me a while to climb out of my sad sack but I always do. Eventually. I can be kind of obstinate about not wallowing.
  5. I love morning time coffee so much. Not as much as morning time cuddles though.
  6. I lost my voice. I can’t think where I left it. It has been nine days now and I still can’t talk.
  7. I feel like there’s an electrical engineer in my head, rerouting cables and replacing burnt out wiring. She’s crawling around in there fixing things. I can almost see her in my minds eye.
  8. I can see her plumbers crack. I giggle. She has a very pretty big round bottom. I shouldn’t look. It’s rude to look.
  9. Now I’m thinking about spanking gorgeous big round bottoms. Is there anything better in all the whole wide world than gorgeous big round bottoms? I can’t think of anything.
  10. Bottoms are better than coffee and chocolate. Even at the same time.
  11. I like to bite.
  12. I like when buttons go pop, pop, pop. I like it when I go pop.
  13. I would like to leave the house today. I will leave the house today.
  14. I will.
  15. Other things.
  16. I desire things. I desire a Hayley Wickenheiser hockey sweater above all other material things. I cannot afford one, exchange rates and shipping and so forth. But sometimes wanting things can be kind of pleasant.
  17. I am aware and thankful. I can have good healthy food and clean drinking water. Any time I want. Far too many people can not.
  18. More things.
  19. I hate sports. Sports is so boring and so very annoying. But I adore ice hockey. I live on the edge of a scorching hot desert. Isn’t that silly. Living on the edge of a vast desert and hating sports but loving ice hockey like other people love soap operas?
  20. Contradictions.
  21. I dream of ice and snow.
  22. I dream of romance and freedom too.
  23. I dream.
  24. I’m going to stop writing now and see if I can make any of my dreams come true.
  25. Oh.
  26. I’m receding.
  27. She’s emerging.
  28. I can feel Whispers.
  29. I love Whispers.
  30. Waves goodbye.

 

P.S. I have been streaking for ninety one days. That’s a lot.

Also. I love you. Do you know that?