Hello. My name’s Whippoorwill. Thank you ever so much for visiting my blog.

I’ve been drifting in and out quite a lot lately, what with the dissociation and trauma and so forth. So I haven’t been reading or writing very much for the last few weeks. But I seem to have stabilized a little bit over the last couple of days. So that’s good.

My partner took me to see a very lovely hairdresser where they go to get their hair cut. I don’t usually do this. What I’ve always done is just let my hair grow and grow until its very long, and then clip it all off like Sinéad O’Connor.

The hairdressers were very nice. They are gender/sex/sexuality non-conforming people like me. I was a little upset though, because they were all very friendly and smiley, but it takes me an awfully long time not to be timid of new people. I was not able to smile very much. I hope they don’t mind too much. I hope they didn’t think I was being rude.

Anyway. I have a lovely haircut now. A little bit androgynousy and a little bit butchy. Think Suzie Quatro, but a little bit mullety.

I also have a new pair of boots with massive big heels. They are very good and help me feel happy, but they are proper leather and still need breaking in. They hurt a little bit and they gave me big nasty blisters on my heels. But I don’t mind, They are wonderful and make me feel tall and booty. Pleasantly Frankenstein’s monsterish.

Also, I went to get blood tests the other day. That was fun. The nurse was very nice and friendly to me. The blood had trouble coming out, so the nurse had to give the needle a couple of nudges. But when it came out it was very funny. It went squirt, squirt into the tube very fast and I giggled and then the nurse giggled too because I did.

We went to have breakfast at a cafe after. That was very nice as I was very hungry from fasting. Then we went to the doctor for my partners appointment to get a new prescription.

It was a simple day. Nothing special, but I had a nice time leaving the house.

The only thing I didn’t like about the day, was that the manly men kept staring and looking at me funny. I seem to confuse people, they don’t know if I’m a girl or a boy and it seems to make them angry.

At first I thought they were staring more because of my new haircut, which is a bit more girly than usual, and my massive big new boots. But I realized after a while that it wasn’t them looking any more than usual, it was just me noticing. Because I was feeling comfortable.

When I feel uncomfortable, I tend to blank it out when people stare or look cross at me or call me rude names. I tend not to notice. It’s when I’m feeling comfortable I notice people looking.

Australian people are not very nice to gender/sex/sexuality non-conforming people. They stare and get cross at us and sometimes call us rude names or beat us up. It puzzles me why so many people hate people like me. I’m not hurting them, they don’t know me, why would they even bother?

I sometimes wonder if it’s because they’re scared. Maybe they see in me something of themselves. Or maybe they feel attracted to me and then realize I’m not usual and they don’t like it. I don’t know. I don’t understand hate.

Anyway, that’s enough for now. Thank you for reading. And thank you everyone for all your lovely comments and likes and follows.

I apologize for taking so long to reply. Like I said. I’ve been drifting in and out and dissociating quite a lot lately. I’ve been talking to my therapist a lot lately about some very nasty things that happened. It’s been very hard and painful, but I feel like things could get better someday.

 

Love

Whippoorwill xo